Several days, lots of activities, and not a whole lot of sleep since the last blog post and I am still kicking out here. We had a great time, the kids had a great time, and we are all still worn out. I have been thinking though, so now I can ponder on another question like the other night.
I have been thinking about grace a lot lately, and forgiveness along with it. It amazes me the amount of grace that God has for our lives. No matter what we do, he is still loving us and wanting to pull us closer back to Him. He forgives us and repeatedly asks us to come to him. Look at when the Israelites were rescued from Egypt. They rebelled, did wrong, asked forgiveness, and were granted God's divine grace. Did they deserve it? Probably not by our standards and ways of thinking. I know that I can look at my children when they do wrong and forgive them. God has given us that capability. What I lack, however, is the grace that he has in being able to move past the wrongdoing. You see, I can forgive, but I can't forget. It has been a joke in my family for years that I have the memory of an elephant. I don't forget many things, and very rarely forget if I have been wronged by someone. I forgive them, but it is always right there in my mind, able to be accessed with great ease. So and so did such and such to me.
Some might say that I haven't truly forgiven. I really have. When I access the memory, I am not upset at the person for what they did. In fact, other than giving my family a hard time about things sometime, I don't typically think twice about what the person did to me. I remember, then move on to something different. The problem for me is that I think that allows me to continually build walls. So and so did such and such, so I can't let anybody with this trait get too close. So and so did such and such, so I will be careful in future dealings with them. So and so did such and such, so I will guard myself. So and so did such and such, so I can't just forget about it. Wait, why can't I? I am missing the grace.
How do you get it? Where do you find it? Can you teach me grace? Am I capable of true grace? I really don't think we are. I tend to see humans as more of an emotional, gut-feeling type than God. I think God has the emotions, but he doesn't need the gut feelings. He knows. Is my lack of grace due to a need to know? Is it just another part of the growth I need to achieve?
Grace, to forgive and forget, total absolution and pardon. Is there a way to achieve this capability on this Earth? I don't know. I hope so.